Remember how I told y'all that I was soooo good at April Fool's Day, yesterday?
I forgot to knock on wood. I forgot to remember that I am in fact not the mentally toughest person in the world.
Girl (or boy), I got tricked. And it came from the most unexpected place. About 30 minutes after I told Will I was going to South America for the summer to get an Ayurveda certification (he believed and was shocked), I dropped my phone on the floor while I was carrying a pile of laundry so I couldn't pick it up. Will was walking behind me and picked it up for me.
"Your screen is shattered."
"Dang, really? I knew that was going to happen since I took my cover off! Dang! Man, I knew it!"
He set the phone down on the counter, and I walked over. It was perfectly fine.
He got me. In a perfect way: so easy and believable, built into the very fabric of our lives, not overly dramatic, but simple and sneaky.
After all my bragging. The one I least expected to trick me. But at least I had just gotten him.
Lately, I have been feeling guilty. This is not good. It's not that I've done anything overwhelmingly terrible; I think it's all the little things that aren't aligned with my values.
I was raised Catholic. We went into the scary little room to confess our sins face to face with a priest every week I believe. After high school, my conscience was no longer. Thank goodness, it has developed again. But now I'm like, "Dang, conscience. Get out of here. You make me feel like poop!"
So I thought, in light of the sacrificial manner of Easter and its events, I would go on and confess my unconsciousness, light up the darkness. To y'all, my wonderful blog audience. (By the way, I wonder about y'all all the time. Is it just my dad and some close friends from Nashville? Or are there more of you out there?)
So here goes nothing.
I'm sorry for:
-being righteous (big one)
-driving over the speed limit
-being preachy and hypocritically forgetting to practice (most guilt there)
-not giving and loving as much as I want to
-being a judgmental hypocrite (oh, have I basically said that?)
-resisting the moment
-getting caught up in the tiny thoughts and things that won't be worth a darn in no time
-road rage (genetically inclined)
-the my-way-or-the-highway mentality I sometimes fall into
-pizza and cookies
-ice cream too
-being fearful and paralyzed in the face of my big dreams and goals
-believing in optimism and positive energy to nth degree, and then turning around with a cynical comment attached to negative energy
-the fact that I know better
These are just a few. I realize it looks like I'm being hard on myself. But somebody's got to do it! I've got to call myself out. Because if somebody like my husband does it, I'll be committing all of the above.
I feel so much better, honestly. Now that you know most of the dark things about me. Now you can say to yourself, "Dang, this girl has some baggage." And you might not want to come here anymore to read this insane girl's comments on life.
Or we could start over? Now you know. Perhaps, you're suffering from some of these things too. No? Come on, look deeper. You don't have to blog about it. Just bring it into the light. Transparency = Clarity.
Anyway, I want to talk about the things I love. I'm sure you've gotten the gist of what they are: (in no specific order):
-holistic nutrition and wellness
-people I love
-books and writing
-ideas and imagination/abundance/creativity
-my dog and/or my husband
-natural life on the farm
-sometimes fashion/design (mostly will continue complaining about that topic)
Shaving and trimming this blog into things that I love only. So that I can better serve/love you. When you got love, you really don't need anything else, do you? Got to have passion too.
Maya Angelou said, "When you learn, teach." So I guess I enjoy both learning and teaching. And when I find something that enlightens me, I'd love to pass it on to you. This is a wellness blog on a very different level, incorporating all facets of your life into one whole, happy existence.
There's nothing wrong with love, and there's nothing wrong with giving yourself some help. If you think there is, perhaps you should question the voice that tells you so.