Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Green Onions

I've been conducting a little experiment. 

Before you read on, I would just like to emphasize that this is a little blog, and it is, in fact, about nothing. 

Someone told me that onions make you have weird dreams. And because I am an extremely light sleeper, I sometimes feel like I watch my dreams like I would watch a movie on the big screen.

Booker T. and the MG's is one of our favorite wannabe-hipster vinyls.
Since I am so into this psycho-analytical stuff that I've been reading about, I decided to conduct this experiment in a biuseful (made that word up--means to be useful in 2 ways) way. 1. I would figure out if onions really do make you have strange dreams or if they just make you more lucid during sleep. 2. I want to look at my dreams and see what the subconscious is trying to say. 3. Does my partner still want to get close after an onion manifesto?

All I've gotten so far is that yes, onions make you more lucid in sleep. And well, I've got some serious anxiety issues. My dreams all over the place. 

Though one night, I was having a hell of a time at this party at this house in the woods with almost everybody I know. I even remember thinking, "This is a nice little, fun dream." We were having such a good time until a tornado came through, and no one would listen to me that it was coming. So I had to go hide by myself with my old cat Cinco under a bed with barbed wire underneath it. 

So strange. One time I got a job or something somewhere. They took a picture of me with a polaroid camera. The people said they couldn't hire me because I had a ghost attached to me, and they have a very strict non-ghost policy. I looked at the picture and sure enough, there was a light coming out of the back of my neck. So weird. So naturally, I called to the ghost and asked it what it wanted. It formed in front of me, and that's when I reached out and grabbed Jackson's snout, nose and mouth. Jackson had mounted his head on my side of the bed in real life and had to go out to go to the bathroom. Or maybe he was aware somehow of the whole ghost situation.

So yes, I believe the onion-weird dream hypothesis. Strong and bizarre dreams, in deed. As for what they mean, I have no clue. I will not ever know. They are too crazy to begin to understand. All it says to me is that I have an overactive and complex mind. Something I, and every person in my life, could already attest to.

As for the leaking eyes, breath and onion odor in general, that part of the hypothesis has been confirmed. Cry it out, wash your hands and brush your stinking teeth. It's the sulfuric compounds.

Funny fact about onions: they were revered by the ancient Egyptians and seen as representing eternity because of their concentric shape. More than a cup of water is contained in a regular onion. Also it's an excellent source of Vitamin C, is thought to lower high blood pressure, reduce the risk of heart attack and cancer, due to the flavonoid quercetin and phytochemicals. 

Vegetables are so cool. At the risk of sounding like a 4th grade teacher. 

Liza Jane

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