Friday, January 6, 2012

Rich Coast Independence

Before we get to the real stuff, and because I like showing some photos of what's going on out here. I made a fun breakfast yesterday:

They don't call me Sloppy Jo-Liza for nothin'! Actually, no one calls me that, but they should. Or they should just come up with something more catchy for sure. Loose Liza? No, that's not right. Anyway, I am notorious for being messy in the division of food, whether it's eating or cooking, tasting or even smelling. This is my waffle-making. Batter batter everywhere.

That's right. Heart-shaped waffles with some scrambled eggs. A little product placement for Aunt Jemima.

My plate with a heart broken off. 

Will's plate. I think he liked it, even though I made a mess of the kitchen. And as you can see, we drink right out of the bottle around here since there are no children to be exemplary for yet. 

You're thinking, "What's your deal with showing me what you're eating? Cheese, veggies, waffles? Enough already!" And all I'm saying is, I like to eat! Okay? Obviously, I like food. And I'm not quite ready to show pictures of myself and other people on this blog. Maybe some day soon, I don't know why it's too personal right now.

I'm too private to show people pictures but I can talk about things like this...

The tone is about to change here. So keep smiling, but put your thinking cap on for a second. Let's discuss something important to every person out there: a sense of freedom and independence. It's about to get real.

In this thing we call marriage, which is really a wonderful and awakening institution--a never-ending tie to another person--I have made a few observations. Obviously, I am not a marriage pro. We have been married 5 months, not 50 years. But this big thing I vowed has really opened my eyes to A LOT of issues about individuality and personal growth.

I moved to a place where my husband has lived almost all his life. It's a darn good thing that he has a wonderful support group, made of loving family and friends. And it's another darn good thing that I get along with and like almost everybody I meet. Really, this place does not have tons of people like a big city, but the people are good people. It's about quality not quantity (although my city folks were extremely qualified as well).

It could have been unpleasant for me out here. But by grace, people have been kind and welcoming. Arms open, the personalities out here have been kind to me as a newcomer. You aren't going to get along perfectly with everyone, but I have been fortunate.

I noticed not long after we were married that I now depend on my husband for a lot. Before, he was my boyfriend, and he was responsible for coming to visit me in Nashville, flirting with me, making me feel like Marilyn Monroe, and taking me out to have fun from time to time. Now his responsibilities are many, and mine are too--but not as many. I not only depend on him financially, but I started to depend on him emotionally, socially and mentally too. Some days, he is the only person I see and the only person with whom I have real face-to-face conversations.

Let's face it. He's my husband. Isn't it supposed to be this way?

I think not. One day I realized all that dependence is way too much for one person to handle. Come on, he's not Jesus. I can't depend on one person to satisfy every need, because then, I will end up being needy. He's only human.

Deep down, I knew this already. I knew that you couldn't wrap up your happiness in one individual. And I had a moment when I realized I was more insecure than ever. Because it's crazy to think that one guy is going to make you comfortable on every level of your life. I know we've all been that way, and it's part of the ride of being human. But I don't like it. I want to feel as secure as possible.

I know I can depend on my husband. That's part of the reason I married him. And it's not a bad thing to depend and lean on someone else, especially if you live in the country. Although he is the most  important person to me for a lot of obvious reasons, my satisfaction with life is up to me. I just couldn't put that much pressure on him anymore. It's not fair to him. I want my security back too.

It was a long and interesting courtship between us, but here we are, living in a Garth Brooks song, and I have to figure out my individual life in this beautiful place where I have been placed.

A wise woman told my good friend Elinor, "Bloom where you are planted." I love it. I'm so happy she told me about that. Wherever you are, you can flower. You could be in Tokyo or Thornton, Mississippi. But it's up to you. The blooming is all your responsibility. It's not your boyfriend's, mother's, sister's, best friend's, daughter's, brother's, father's, husband's deal. They have their own thriving to do. The people in your life add so much, don't they? But they are there to add only to what is already there. And if anyone is subtracting, it's okay to set boundaries.

I write about this today because I am leaving the country tomorrow for a week. I am going alone. It sounds crazy, but I'm going to Costa Rica without Will.

You're thinking, "Whoa! Take it easy there! Just get a job or something, girl." But I have been wanting to do this for a long time.

I am headed to be trained to be a yoga teacher. Since I graduated from Ole Miss, I have been pulled into the practice of yoga: I love the energy I feel afterward, the way it has changed some of my behaviors, changed my body, and changed the way I look at things. After a year of practicing, I knew I wanted to teach it some day. So I did some research over time, and made the decision to go a few months ago.

I am definitely not an awesome yogi that can twist like a pretzel and stand on my head for hours. But I really like it. I like what it does for me. And I want to spread it around to anyone who is interested. No, it's not a very conventional line of work, especially for where I live. But I'm hoping that I will be of use in many ways, and that this will be one of them--bringing health and energy to the great state of Mississippi!

Plus, I have always wanted to fly south for the winter, and this is mini-way of doing that. It's also a tiny step of independence for me in many different ways.

So your joy and life are up to you. Nobody else. Do what you want, do it for yourself and do it for love.


Liza Jane

PS: I don't think I'll be able to blog for a week. I'm thinking a yoga intensive in Costa Rica would not offer wireless Internet. But if it does, I hope to be able to write. If not, have a great week! We're off to have supper with Laura and Thomas, close friends in Jackson. And then it's a flight at 6 am! Yes!

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